ORIGINS: In the original series, the eyes of the second character reminded us of someone in a seal pup mask jumping rope (times two). But, somehow, we lost control of this series. Out of the blue, the ice cream cones had made their appearance, and we realized that a seal pup would only need those ears, and a few chocolate chips, to turn into a leopard.
I have been called many things in my short life. But only two have stuck with me. A seal pup. A sweet summer child. I still don’t know if I am innocent or if I am naive. I’m still at that age when I get most things for free. When I can simply love myself because I haven’t had to suffer the consequences of being how I am yet. I like looking at the world through the big, black eyes of a seal pup. I love having wonder in my life and seeing the best in everybody else. I don’t want that to ever change. So, I will stick with those eyes. This summer I will save two ice cream cones, and I will use their magic to turn into a leopard. So that when the time comes, to pay the price, I can do it without losing everything I love about myself.
I know that you only had my best interests at heart, but there was no need to tell me the truth so soon. You could have let me keep being a child a little bit longer. There was no need to snatch the word forever from my heart and replace it with an ice cream cone. Nothing lasts. Everything melts away. The time would have come anyway, to leave your embrace and step into the world. And I think that all this ugliness could have waited until then. But what is done is done. Leopard spots and all that. I will grow up. But shedding tears won’t be the last thing my seal pup eyes do. Because that is what ice creams like this are for.
I have heard that leopards don’t change. But I am still too young to know for sure if that is a blessing or a curse. All I know is that there is water in my mouth and a starless night in my eyes, that I am hungry and I want to bite off a mouthful of that magic before the ice cream melts away. I may be young, but I already know that I hate the aftertaste life leaves in my mouth. Sweet things like innocence don’t last. I can barely taste mine under all these other flavors that are trying to make me grow up. Jaded. Disillusioned. Resigned to my fate. It seems that those are the only stars that last. The dark spots of leopards. But I am still a child. I still have a sweet tooth. And I intend to make the most of the time I have left.
I could have done without these seal pup eyes. Without summer days and sickeningly sweet ice creams. It took me a while to do the math. I chalk it up to self-preservation. Have you ever heard that ignorance is bliss? My innocence didn’t want to die, and I can’t really blame that seal pup. But the numbers didn’t go away. And it was only a matter of time before I put them together. I realized that I wouldn’t even have spent one eighth of my life being a child. And any happiness I could have hoarded then, wouldn’t have made up for the disillusion that would have surely come next. I don’t blame that seal pup. But I blame you. Because you knew that the world has fangs. That it is a leopard and nothing and no one will ever change its spots. You knew what awaited me as soon as I grew up. And you chose to cover my seal pup eyes. You chose to stretch those summer days into years. When all you had to do was give me an ice cream that wasn’t sweet.
I was naive. I thought that nothing would change. That those summer days would go on forever. I should have known that ice creams melt and leopards disappear without a trace. But I was a child, all hunger and impatience. My forever was made of a thousand nows. Of a thousand different adventures. But one constant. You and me. I didn’t know that we would grow up. That we would grow apart and those summer days would come to an end. That they would turn into memories. And tears in my eyes. I didn’t know, and that is why the seal pup mocks me. It mocks my forever. My leopard. Because the sweetness is gone. And the memories, no matter how beautiful, are a poor substitute. I never wanted to freeze a moment in time. I only ever wanted a forever that would keep adding nows to itself.
Sometimes I can’t help thinking that I would have been happier if I had been one of those carefree children that just go with the flow. That just grow up, without dreams plaguing their bones, shaping them from within. I never had any doubts. I always knew what I wanted. I had a star chart, and I planned to finish what my dreams had started. I spent my childhood inking leopard spots in my skin. But life didn’t care. And sometimes I can’t help thinking that if my leopard had just been an ice cream, I would have been alright. That if I had been any other child, I would have cried when my ice cream crashed and started to melt on the ground, but soon enough my tears would have joined that river, and I would have followed wherever life lead me. Without letting that disappointment become my new plague. So, my advice to you, seal pup, would be to not get fixated on the stars. On things you can’t live without. Because everything changes sooner or later. And when leopards like me break into pieces, we break beyond repair.
I don’t think that there is anything written for me in the stars. Why would a stranger care about my life? Anyway, the future is just a place to throw away dreams, and I try not to look at it. I build my life one bite of ice cream at a time. That way, when it inevitably falls on the ground, it doesn’t hurt too much. Failure. Disappointment. Betrayal. You can take your pick. I don’t need to add a thousand unfulfilled dreams to the mix. When I write my past, you know, that leopard whose spots we can’t change, no matter how much we wish we could, I will write it using only flavors I have actually tasted. I don’t care if it ends up being more bitter than sweet, I am not interested in remembering make-believes. And who knows, maybe one day, when others no longer wish you all the best, you will grow up, seal pup. Maybe you will realize that it is better late than never, and you too will throw away the stars I see in your eyes.
What do you know about being hurt? You are a grown-up. Life has already dulled all your senses, and I am sure that you don’t remember how it feels. My ice cream didn’t fall on the ground. It fell to the ground. To the ground. Like a falling star. Like a wish that will never come true. It’s the end of my world, and you don’t remember how much that hurts. You don’t remember being a seal pup, and crying until all the stars fell from your eyes. You don’t remember the burn that sealed your fate and froze your time. Trapping you. In a never-changing leopard, as your ice cream melted away. You don’t remember any of that. But I do. My eyes still burn. I know what I have lost. What I will never get back. Because leopard spots are black, unlike the stars, and good things don’t stick to grown-ups. Only bad things do. Because if it wasn’t so, life would have no reason to take pity on you and dull all your senses.
Just in case someone wonders where the whale tales came from, that’s what the snouts of our leopards reminded us of.
If I had to choose, between an ice cream cone and the tail of a whale, I would choose to disappear in a splash of seawater. But it is not a choice. I am a leopard, and my spots aren’t something that I can just wash off or scrape away. They are not sins that can just be forgiven and forgotten. Those spots are my faults. The parts of me that will never change. That won’t go away. Not even when the ice cream melts and I no longer resemble a leopard. And since I can’t get what I want, since I can’t start from scratch, from that white splash that would have been my only chance to redeem myself, I guess I will just learn to love myself.
Once, I stared at the wake of a whale. And I could swear that, before all those white waves disappeared, a seal pup stared back at me. With eyes as black as night and not a single star in sight. I always thought that there was nothing more pointless than crying in the sea. Because the tears not only get lost, without solving anything, but the sea also rubs salt in the wound. I always thought that no one would waste their tears in the sea, knowing that they wouldn’t even get pity out of them. But I have heard innocence described as stars in the eyes, and I can’t think of any other way that seal pup could have lost his. Leaving only the dark of night behind, to try and suck me in. But I had nothing to worry about. Because I am a leopard. I have spots that won’t change. That won’t leave me feeling lost, when this life melts the sweetest parts of myself away.
What do you want me to say? Ice creams are sweet and leopards never change. If I had a choice, I would have preserved the best parts of myself intact. My innocence. My sense of wonder. My dreams. The goodness I could feel every time my heart beat, like the tail of a whale, splashing a thousand stars onto the night. But ice creams melt away and the spots of leopards are black. No one chooses to grow up. Life happens. And these days, when that whale slaps its tail, all I can do is try not to drown.
I don’t remember much of my childhood. I think that I spent most of it hiding, but I don’t remember if it was a game or not. There was a whale. Someone larger than life that I believed kept putting the stars in the sky, night after night. I thought that he would keep my seal pup eyes safe. My innocence. Maybe not my dreams. But my laughter for sure. But one day there was a splash. Everything turned white. And when I opened my eyes that whale wasn’t there anymore. I don’t remember feeling cold. The word I would use would be lukewarm. Like an ice cream that is melting on the ground. Leopard spots took the place of the stars in the sky, and nothing has really changed since that day. I don’t seem to have a use for anyone else now that my laughter is gone. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, I can’t muster anything larger than a smile. And I am not interested in giving it to anyone else.
When I was growing up, when I was young and impressionable, and I had just started to write my stars, someone told me two things that stuck with me. One was that sweets get eaten. The other was that honey works better than vinegar. And this is the leopard I have become. Do you like my spots? I only saved the bitterest chocolate, because I have no intention of being anyone’s prey. Do you want a taste of my ice cream? I promise you that you have never tasted anything sweeter. I know which words to use. Don’t be shy, take a bite. I have more where those compliments came from.