This time we have chosen 3 words that end in the same consonant. We have chosen them because their initial consonants are family, and their vowels span a whole world. We have a bear (곰) whose vowel points at the sky. A dream (꿈) whose vowel points at the sea. And a height (큼) whose vowel stays on the ground.
Once upon a time there was a child that wanted to be as tall as his father, and one morning his wish came true. So, he wanted to be as tall as a tree, and when that wish also came true, he made one wish after another, until he ended up being as tall as a mountain.
One day a bear climbed to the top of the highest mountain, to the top of the head of that child, and that is where the bear made his wish. The child asked the bear what he had wished for, and the bear told him that he wanted to be as tall as the sky.
The child, that up until that point had never made a wish that hadn’t come true, repeated the bear’s wish word for word, but he remained only as tall as a mountain. And he had to watch the bear grow before his own two eyes. The child had to watch someone else’s wish come true. And even though he repeated the same wish more than a thousand times, he didn’t grow even a single millimeter more.
Frustrated, the child asked the bear how he had managed to grow to be as tall as the sky. And the bear told him that every bear has a dream. That dreams are fish in a river, and it only takes a swipe of a bear’s paw to catch them. The bear told the child that he had left no river unturned, but none of the fish he found were his dream. And that only left the sea.
The story ends with the bear swatting the sea in search of his dream. It ends with the child realizing that he has grown up, without a dream, without even looking for it.
The dream I am looking for isn’t here. What should I do? You tell me that rivers flow into the sea, but I have heard that the sea is the grave where all rivers are buried, and you and I, we have just met. I grew up with the echo of those words in my ears, I trust them more than I trust yours. These fish may be willing to go with the flow and just turn into ghosts, but I am not looking for a dream I would easily give up.
Excuse me, kind cloud. I am looking for my dream. Perhaps you have come across it? My dream looks like a fish. A thousand scales glistening with happy, grateful tears. And fish bones that may, or may not, get stuck in my throat, drying up all my words and bringing hopeless tears to my eyes if I don’t fulfill my dream. Have you seen such a fish, kind cloud? Its bones are white, like you, and there is a possibility that they might already have turned into snow. There is a small possibility that my dream might have been kind, like you, and it might have wanted to spare me the disappointment.
So, this is the world. This is how life works. There isn’t a horizon I haven’t crossed. I have left no mountain unturned in my search for a dream. I didn’t want to settle for glistening fish scales, I needed the whole fish, a dream that was worth my life. And now there are no mysteries left in this world. I cannot deny that ugliness comes out on top. I can no longer close my eyes and lie to myself. I killed that fish with my own two hands, and now I am beyond tears. But it doesn’t matter. They would have been a poor substitute for those scales, anyway.
This is it. Blue as far as the eye can see. It’s time to give it another try. I have to believe that this time everything will turn out all right. The sky is in my corner, and I have nothing to fear. I have shed enough tears. My name is written all over the sea. I will catch a glistening dream, and this time my fish won’t die out of the water, because I did the same to the sky. I claimed that little corner of blue. Hollow. Meaningless. Depressing. It’s everything a dream has to fill. It’s all mine. And this time the fish will stay alive. My dream will thrive.
Bear: Look at those snowy clouds. That mountaintop is calling my name. Dust to dust. That was the lullaby the stars sang to me. I know that when fish die, it snows in the sea. I know that rivers flow into the sea, and my dream will start its journey as snow on a mountaintop, like every other fish. When the stars fell, like a gift, I had no say in it. I was given a talent, and it never became my dream. But this time I will be there when the first snow falls. I will have a say. I will shape that fish one scale at a time, and it will feel right. Like a dream I can actually fall in love with, not just something that comes naturally to me.
Bear: I am almost there. There is water in my mouth, and I can already taste the fish that has my name on it. My wish will come true. It has to because I am doing my best. I am climbing the highest mountain there is, and I intend to shout my wish at the top of my lungs. The sky will reward my effort. I know it will. Because sunsets have prettier colors than sunrises.
Bear: Oh look! There is a higher mountain over there! I bet the snow shines more brightly on that mountaintop and it makes for better dreams. Wouldn’t it be great to have a dream reality couldn’t breach? It’s a good thing I didn’t take my eyes off the sky. To think that I could have looked down and settled for this mountaintop, when that one has everything I want and it’s just within reach.
Bear: I wish to be as tall as this mountain! Did you hear me, Blue Sky? I will start small. I will crawl before I fly. I wish to be as tall as this mountain! You may not be what I have in my heart, but I promise to always have you in my sights. Now, please, grant my wish!
I’m fine. I don’t need to be as tall as the sky. It was just a whim. Something I didn’t really think through. I don’t care. My wish might have gone in one ear and out the other, but it doesn’t hurt. I won’t cry. Why would I add more drops to the sea? Look at that bear. He barely has any room to breathe. His world is already small enough, and I wouldn’t want to see him drown in the sea. Not without letting him catch his dream first.
I finally understand the difference between a wish and a dream. A wish is something anyone can grant. As long as you get what you want, it doesn’t matter where it comes from or who gives it to you. But a dream is something that has to be born in you. It’s a fish that would die if anyone were to take it out of your blood to serve that dream to you up on a plate.
Why? Why am I so small? Why is everything out of my reach? The stars. Those snowflakes. I don’t want to wait until they fall. Until they crash against the ground and dirt gets into every wound. I want to raise my hands and be able to pluck snowflakes directly from the clouds. I want to feel the heat of the stars, I want to burn it, through my everyday skin, into the deepest reaches of my memory. But I am too small. Knee-high to rotten leaves. Waist-deep in the disappointment of life.
Do you know what I like about wishes? I like that they come true in the blink of an eye. There is no journey. There is no growth. No time to get really attached. One moment I was just as tall as my father, and the next I was as tall as a mountain. Don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying the view. But it doesn’t hurt. The wind erodes me a little bit more every day, but it doesn’t feel like a real loss. Like the grief that would eat away at that bear if its fish were to lose even one of its dreamy scales.
Why wasn’t I good enough?
I am grateful that I am just a dream. A slippery fish. I can’t imagine anything more awful than being someone’s wish come true and only being able to go down from there. Water is kinder than wind. Mountains get eroded, but dreamy fish like me get to keep the shine in our scales.
You don’t get to choose your dreams. What made you think that I would get to choose my path? Rivers lead to the sea, and fish like me just go with the flow. If you don’t like the color of my scales, if you find dreams like me lacking, you could always dirty your hands. Reality has more than enough colors. Take your pick. Live your life. Leave us to our rivers, and just take control of something you can actually change.
Nuh-uh. I am not for you. You aren’t a bear, and no one else will do. I am a dream. I deserve a whole winter, not the meager night you are offering me. It wouldn’t take you long to forget me, and if I were really lucky, maybe you would at least shed one or two tears for me. But I know my worth. I deserve better. And you simply aren’t it.
I dream of being as wise as an owl.
I dream of being a hamster in order to wear these teeth, this childhood, down.
I dream of being as aloof as a cat and still finding a home.
I dream of being someone else’s quest. The dragon that gives meaning to their life.