The difference between laughing and crying is only one consonant, but sometimes that difference can feel like an insurmountable distance, it can feel like a whole world. By the way, the vocal they have in common is an U, and that is the name we will give to the girl in this story.
U is alone. By herself she can’t do anything, she can’t feel anything. U can’t laugh. U can’t cry. She would need to hold someone’s hand. But in her culture vocals and consonants don’t touch, so she doesn’t even have that comfort. U needs to be close to an s to laugh, she needs to be close to an r to cry. And that is a depressing thought, because she can’t convince herself that that laughter, that those cries would at least belong to her.
Nothing is mine and that is why I am hollow. Light. With enough space for the laughter that I still can enjoy.
Nothing is mine, not even these tears that abandon me.
I wish there was a world between us. A busy world where no one matters and everything is forgotten. Because then I would be able to throw the memories that make me cry into the abyss, into the crowd. And I would only keep the memories that make me laugh.
I wish there was a world between us. An insurmountable distance. So that not even all my tears in a row could reach you, and I could finally forget you.
You make me feel insignificant. Just another star in the firmament. But it doesn’t matter. Because I know that someday I will find someone willing to form a constellation with me.
You make me feel insignificant. Like a nebula of tears. You make me lose faith in myself. You make me doubt that one day I could have become a star.
I wish I didn’t need you. But it wouldn’t be a secret, it wouldn’t be something that made me laugh, if I weren’t keeping it from you.
I wish I didn’t need you. But I am not a good swimmer. Soon I will begin to drown in these tears and I will need someone to lend me a hand.