ORIGINS: The prop of the first character in the original series had two panda bears that looked like crescent moons. The moons already got a series of their own, and we thought that the animals deserved nothing less. So, we went with perfect bites. And what can be more perfect than the way puzzle pieces fit together? Certainly not the light of a full moon.
I was just living my life. I had no intention of being a lesson or a warning for someone else. I don’t know if selfish is the word that would have described me, but one day the bears found me, and they bit. The breath left my lungs, my mouth, nothing could come between those bears that had taken over my soul. It hurt. I could feel their teeth burning words beneath my skin, onto my flesh. Sweet dreams. Sweet dreams. Sweet dreams. And nothing feels real anymore, not now that I no longer know what I am living for.
I don’t know how spirit animals work. I only know that once upon a time I had a myriad of words swimming in my veins. There was wonder in the air, every day I discovered something new. About the world. About myself. I found new ways to rearrange my little fish, into never-before-seen constellations, that made me feel like I was part of the universe. But one day I stopped growing. The leopards found me, and they bit. They decreed that there would be no more change, and I was helpless to get a word in. Their spots became everything, there was no space left for me. For the myriad of mes that I would never grow into, now that those leopards were there to stay.
I won’t lie, I would have preferred oranges. If my soul had to be cut in half before I was born, and I could only keep one half for myself, I would have been happy with a harmless orange. I think that I even could have learned to live with a lonely wolf that spent its nights howling at the moon. But my wolf didn’t set its sights on something unreachable like the moon. When it howled, there was no trace of romantic ideals in that sound. My wolf howled for another wolf, one that would match its cruelty tooth for tooth. And it wasn’t long before they met, and I lost all hope of ever growing to be someone I could love. Because romantic things like kindness, loyalty or truthfulness have no place in this world. Just ask the moon.
Two tigers met in something deeper than an embrace, in something that left me covered in bite marks. One of them brought horizons touched by the sun at dawn and the other brought horizons touched by the sun at dusk. All the beginnings and all the endings I would need in my life. To say that I had really lived. But I was never any good at saying goodbye. And somewhere along the way I stopped saying hello altogether. But the bite marks didn’t fade away. Both tigers stayed. To blame me. And mar me with longing. One dark stripe, for everything that could have been and I won’t allow.
Are you wondering what the missing piece of my soul is? As you can see, I already have dreams, a whole winter sleep of them. But my bear wants leopard spots more than he wants snowflakes. He wants those dreams to remain unchanged. Because I already know what disillusion tastes like, and he doesn’t want that bitterness to take over my mouth. He wants me to tell him sweet dreams, and mean those words.
My leopard is easy to please. Any puzzle piece will do, because my leopard believes that people are inherently good. He always connects the dots to form the most beautiful constellation possible, and he stubbornly refuses to let anything change his mind. It doesn’t matter how many times my heart breaks, he insists on seeing good in others and welcoming them into my heart. And I made my peace with him a long time ago, because anything is better than loneliness.
My wolf is howling. Have you ever noticed the full moons that hang in the night sky every tiger has in its ears? Those are the moons my wolf is howling at. I don’t really know why he does it. Maybe it’s because tigers are orange, the color of sunsets, and he is trying to encourage the night to grow. To take over, and give those moons more room to breathe. Or maybe he is just trying to build a bridge. Maybe my wolf is just trying to rearrange those stripes, so that those moons can move into a new home. Into the darkness of my wolf’s mouth. Where they would always feel loved. And if that is the case, I just wish I could still believe the lies my wolf tells. Because I would like nothing more than to feel loved too.
My tiger is missing a bear. I guess you could make another piece fit in the puzzle that is my soul, but I am telling you that it has to be a bear. Someone that knows how to ignore the horizon; all the suns that have already set and all the suns that have yet to rise. My tiger is missing a bear that knows how to sleep through winter. One that would have no problem ignoring yesterdays and tomorrows alike. Freeing my tiger into the wilderness that is today.
If I could reclaim one letter of my soul, to have a new start, it would be its capital B. I would like my blood back. All the moments of my life that passed me by, without leaving a dent or making my heart beat. If I could start again, I would like to feel alive, not trapped in a never-ending winter sleep.
If I had a chance to rewrite my soul, love is not the word I would choose. I would miss the unwavering loyalty of my leopard, but not having it reciprocated hurts too much. So, light-heartedness is what I would choose. Being happy, without a care in the world. Without a single spot, not even a single molecule of my self, that felt like it belonged to somebody else.
Another word, that isn’t wolf, and starts with a capital W? Does my soul really need a change of name? I think that it is happy enough howling at the moon, but if you insist, I guess I would choose Weightless. Because my soul and the moon it adores are doomed to never meet on this ground. But space would be kinder to them. And who knows, maybe if they actually touched, the spell would finally break, and my soul would no longer be so pathetically in love.
I don’t have anything against my tiger, it was fierce when it had to be and it protected me from the world. Don’t you see all those dark scars? I would have been wounded beyond repair, and I will always be thankful for my tiger’s presence. But I think that the time has come to move on. To find another name for my soul. Because I don’t want to hate the world. I want to find something I can love. Something I can put in my heart, and treasure for the rest of my life. Like my tiger treasured me.
This bear brought us together. The world was winter-cold, and this bear offered us the warmth of a shared dream. The world is still cold, that will never change. And now we can only hope that our warmth endures after we wake up.
This bear keeps us apart. You have your dreams and I have mine. But I won’t let that dishearten me, I believe that someday we will find our way back to each other. Because even while we are asleep, we still breathe the same air.
This leopard brought us together. I didn’t promise you that I would never change, and neither did you. There are no lies between us. Only love. I love who you are here and now, under the light of these stars. And if that changes some day, if I wake up to a different set of constellations in the fur of our leopard and I don’t recognize you anymore, I still won’t lie to you. I won’t say that I still love you. I will simply let you go, and I hope that you show me the same courtesy.
This leopard keeps us apart. But there is nothing that has been written that cannot be erased. It took a while, but we have almost erased the stars without a trace. There are only a few left, and something like that cannot be called fate. Not anymore. Soon we will be free. I will reach for you, and I hope with all my heart that you choose to take my hand.
This wolf brought us together. Its teeth felt like moonlight whispering beautiful lies in our ears, and we forgot that we were afraid of the dark. Of all the little hurts and cruelties, all those little monsters that are so easy to bring into this world. Moonlight promised that they wouldn’t bite us, and we eagerly followed her wolf. Leaving our little monsters behind. To grow in the dark. And keep growing. Until they could easily devour half the world in one bite. And I cannot be the only one that, every night, finds it a little bit harder to keep calling these lies love. Please, tell me that you are afraid of the dark too.
This wolf keeps us apart. I know that the future looks too dark for comfort. Here, take my hand. I have hope to spare. I can still find shooting stars in the night, and I will share my wishes with you.
This tiger brought us together. A thousand sun-touched horizons. I thought that it would be a beautiful life. That we would share a thousand different beginnings. But now I see it in a different light. I am starting to think that you feel trapped. That you only see sunsets, and you can’t wait to be rid of me.
This tiger keeps us apart. We will never meet in person. My sunset is your sunrise, and I wouldn’t want it to be any other way. You deserve all the good things I have managed to leave behind. The world wasn’t mine to change, but I will take this small comfort to my grave. Knowing that you will smile, because of something I did right in my life.