Sin padre, ni madre, ni perro que me ladre.
It’s about being independent, but we got it wrong. We thought it was about being all alone in the world, about being an orphan that didn’t even have the friendship of a dog. But it’s about not having someone barking orders at you and telling you how to live your life.
Once upon a time there was a little girl that was given a dog soon after she learned to walk. At first, she was only allowed to play with the dog in her backyard, but when she was deemed old enough to stay home alone and walk to and from school on her own, she was given a leash and allowed to take the dog on walks.
It was then the little girl realized that the dog was the one pulling on the leash and choosing the route, just like her parents had chosen her school and her path in life.
The little girl let go of the leash, she let the dog run out of sight. The leash waved goodbye in the wind, and the little girl went back to an empty house. She packed her bag and went to school. She came back, and at some point her parents noticed the dog was missing because barks no longer filled the silence. The little girl told them that it ran away. She kept the truth to herself because she couldn’t tell her parents that was the only leash she could throw away.
Why would I be sad? The stars are on a leash too, and that means that even after I turn to dust, I will still be in good company.
My parents are dog people, but that gene must have skipped me because I’m a bird person. I can’t wait to fly the nest. I don’t like leashes, they remind me of umbilical cords, and I have no intention of still being someone’s baby girl when I have a foot in the grave.
Waves crash and droplets fly. I spent the best years of my life with that dog and I thought that when its leash waved me goodbye, I would at least shed a tear or two. But my eyes are dry and my heart isn’t the least bit sore. Beauty isn’t the only thing that’s in the eye of the beholder. Faults can be found in everything. They can be brought to life. That dog was as good a friend today as it was yesterday. But the eye only retains an image for about 1/30th of a second and I will only remember what I have colored.
I could have let go of the leash, but I chose to take it off. Call me selfish, but I would rather not be remembered. I can’t escape my life, and I would hate for the part of me that knew how to smile to live in that dog’s heart. I believe that former captains should go down with the ship too.
I don’t have a father. I must have missed out on many things, but bedtime stories are what stands out. Some things have to be taught, they have to be passed down. Any dog can bark, but there’s something magical about howling at the moon. I wish I were a romantic at heart, but I see life for what it is. No one lied to me when a little bit of hope could have made all the difference.
I have a little girl. She scratches me behind the ears and takes me on long walks. Her homework is tasty and I have no complaints. If I wasn’t meant to be someone’s responsibility, I would have been born a wolf. But I don’t dream about the moon, I’m quite happy right where I am.
I don’t have a mother. I don’t know what unconditional love means. I don’t think I would go to great lengths for somebody else, much less endure pain. I don’t have a forgiving heart. If someone hurts me, I bite. I missed my chance to learn by example. From the only person whose words wouldn’t have gone in one ear and out the other.
Some things aren’t written in our DNA. I have seen monkeys on tape. Something that can’t be called motherhood. I have been babied all my life. And I wouldn’t know the first thing to do with a dog of my own.